His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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