You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
