I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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