The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
