The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize