i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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