Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
