dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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