So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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