i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just forgot I was standing up.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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