I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
