dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
