We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
