You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
