how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
