Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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