it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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