so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
