We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
