I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
