In the future we'll all be gay
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
