dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
