Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
