just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
