All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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