You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
