I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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