dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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