You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
