you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
this boner is exhausting
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
