I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
50% drunk capacity currently
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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