thus making me awesome and them whores
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
