Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
