the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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