my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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