So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
