Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
