is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
