I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
