already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
