I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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