honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
