You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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