You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
