I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
