You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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