That's intense
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
