Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We're too hungover to prance.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
