I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
