Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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