I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i think my cat just said my name.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
