M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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