Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
