Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
