if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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