is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize