The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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