dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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