Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
