fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I look better un-naked...
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
