Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
