Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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