where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He? As in you personified your dick?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
