yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
