your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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