I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
