You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
