Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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